I sincerely apologise, I don't think I ever let on that what is now seen as human trafficking, was initially slavery, and I happen to be the victim, in it's purest form ,in what's posed as an events company....
Which is how I discovered our travelling acquaintance, called Doris Garmin, commonly known as a GPS.
Oh yes that monotonous, emotionally-challenged, programmed lady, concubine of Sir Compass, how else would she know all the world's co-ordinates come rain or sun?
Initially when you get acquainted, you really take to her, as she plays guide-dog and you eagerly anticipate her announcement of your arrival at your destination, in record time and having done that, you kindly and ever so gratefully relieve her, till your next destitution.
That my dear friends is merely the honeymoon phase, which sadly and oh so commonly, wears off after five dates, where you grudgingly notice, how much she reminds you of your spouse, when you actually meet the real them. For she becomes confused, and sends you on a wild goose chase to the most dangerous parts of the city, purely out of vengeance for whatever bitchy remark you made a month ago, be it about her weight, skin or cooking. Oh yes, even 'programs' have feelings and hold grudges, why do you think she would make you drive for an hour to a place that's ten minutes away, or make you drive in a circle, when the right exit, was 10 metres away? What, you thought, she didn't hear you when you said you wanted to replace her? These walls have ears friend, even the thoughts in your head aren't trademarked anymore...
Now imagine this scenario, a vernacular, gangster, twanging, Afrikaaps-speaking Doris?!
Thank God it's a European creation! The cussing you'd get for every time it has to recalculate would be worthy of a thesaurus! If you know anything about direct translation of English to any vernacular language, you'll understand the paragraphs you'd hear in place of sentences!
OMG I just got dizzy, just playing that out in my head, now imagine having to play Simon says, with that...
God bless the man who imposed english on us, and declared it a universal language!
That said I personally would rather follow road signs, then listen to that dyke's voice, same way that blind guy would choose a midget over that labrador as his guide dog!
Next gadget please?!
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