uLife ufana nama-dice.(life is a gamble)

Hello hi,

 

My apologies if you came here on Sunday and yesterday looking for some good entertainment, only to be rudely met by old posts.

See my attention and energy on Sunday, were dedicated to a cooked meal. Yes, I stood barefoot, against the stove, thankfully with no foetus in me and created my own heaven.

See I was at church in the morning, yes I went and fed my spirit, and then a voice said asked me when last I’d made myself a great meal, which then led to me creating a seafood, healthy lunch consisting of : vegetable cous-cous, prawn and avo salad, baked potatoes and grilled, stuffed linefish. Oh boy, what a feast that was! There was no way I could type, let alone think about anything after that!

The feast then led to festivities, which resulted me in sleep-walking all of yesterday, hence no post then either, but today I’m human again, and glad to be of service.

 At this point in time, I’m extremely happy with life. Things are looking up, my relationships with people I regard highly are getting stronger by the day, and everything that I could want, now seems within reach.

So, how does my theme and content connect?

Well you see kid, life is a gamble, and everyday we’re at the casino, pulling at that lever, hope to get triple-7 and walk away with a new life in a new, black, leather briefcase.

You see when you wake up in the morning, is similar to when you walk into the casino : alive and full of hope that everything today will work out the way you want it to.

You’ll walk over to your 1^st machine, and hope to make enough to carry you throughout the night without having to spend any more of your money. R50 later, you’re upset with the machine and cussing about how the machines are rigged.

You’re still optimistic, but maybe a bit cautious now, cause rejection/loss is never easy to bounce back from, so you decide to walk around, scanning which machines are more alluring and the most full of promise.

You see it, the big table, where you drop in a coin, and if nicely aimed, it could stand you the chance of winning that whole rack. Your imagination runs wild, adrenalin pumps and you stand there, tongue sticking out and before the coin’s left your hand, you already see where it’ll land. A split-second later, your coin is lying on a pile with many other dreamers’ and you’re poorer than when you walked into the casino.

Anxiety kicks in.

A voice suggests a drink/smoke to calm you down and perhaps give you better perspective.

A plan is created on how to save this situation :

Betting. With all that you have. Go big or go home right?!

So the rent money’s put on the line, you study whatever it is there is to get rich quick with and then BAM, you’re now, standing, sweating, screaming, praying, crying and cheering your bet to win, as you have more to lose than gain.

You lose. You’re now behind on rent. You’ve spent your whole salary at the casino. You’re screwed.

Now what?

We’ve all been at the casino, some of us more than the others/wish to remember. To some, the casino is all we know, the adrenalin is addictive : “YOLO MOFOS” these addicts chant.

Others learn a lesson from the casino and vow never to go back, the consequences are too great. “once-bitten,twice-shy” people.

Others are social visitors at the casino. “down-for-whatever” people, who can handle their own, and let loose once in a while.

We have many casino scenarios playing out in our lives each day, sometimes more than we think, but obviously the scales will differ from time to time, and person to person.

We need a casino to gain perspective, we need to throw a dice, and hold our breath, tongue sticking out, praying it lands how we want it to.

How it lands, is out of your control, what you do with the outcome is.

Lose or win, the slot machines will be there, and whether you want to/not a lever will be pulled, resulting in two apples and a dollar sign/ two dollar signs and a pig, or one day, shushu day, TRIPLE SEVEN!

No matter how the dice lands, the aim should be to keep on throwing, hoping, throwing, tongues hanging out, throwing and once in a while breaking out into a joyful song/dance.

Whatever it is, don’t stop throwing, for the dice needs to keep rolling.

Zing’7, TJOVITJO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SDUDLA MAFEHLE FEHLE

I’m back again with another post, after the great feedback I got last night, so I’m inspired to post something else.

So the weather in Durban today, is grey and miserable and I’m working tonight, BLERGH, hopefully this blurb will uplift me!

Last night I passed out on the couch, sober on a Friday night, and woke this morning at 4am, still on the couch, which is broken-not by me- and oh so damn COMFORTABLE. So, irritated with myself for a) passing out on the couch and b) waking up so early, I then decided to go punish myself at the gym.

GYM.

The rehab centre for warped body images/self-esteem, well the positive in this place, is that the people there, are DOING SOMETHING about whatever qualm they may have with their body, and hopefully through enough dedication and effort, will reach whatever goal it is they have.

I am not immune to this, seeing as I too go to gym.

You see, for most of my life, in fact all through my school –years, I was active, played all sports they had to offer and due to ADHD, was always running around in circles, so the outcome of this was that I was a stick figure with a fast metabolism and swallowed meals whole with the plate and cutlery! Weight was never part of my vocabulary and I in-fact got drowsy the minute people brought this up.

Fast-forward post-matric, I no longer play any sports, the only time I run is if in danger, my appetite is still that of an athlete, while back at the ranch my metabolism is slowing down, matching my active levels and BOOM, what do you get : WEIGHT-GAIN!(Flava Fave’s voice)

I kid you not, one morning, I woke up, and felt weighed down, walked to the mirror and to my horror, BUTTOCKS had grown! Oh how I wept. This now meant all my pants at the waist would always gape, since no jeans were designed for “big-booty ….” This now meant I had to get *swallows* pants in bigger sizes! I’d taken everything for granted, and it had come tumbling down in the form of buttocks and hips! The trays of cream buns I used to gobble down, were now neatly stacked in my rear. I once heard a song that says “yithi amabozza oomdidi(we are the bosses of booty)” and found that they were personally attacking me, I was so hurt and cursed out the artists’ family!

I have been in denial about all of this for a while now, what has snapped me out of it, is my gran’s comment, who endearingly said she can see Cape Town’s treating me well. In black terms, this is in reference to weight gain, as back in the day, to be bigger meant you’re happy/successful. So thanks to my pint-sized gran, I’m now hitting the gym as of this past Tuesday, in attempt to prevent being Oros’ side-chick, and I in no way want my success/happiness to be determined, no, weighed, actually seen, by my thunder thighs.

I admit, I can’t be my 18-year old me, as even my mum admitted I looked like I had osteoporosis, and was always anxious when I left the house. Being the wild child I am, never helped the poor gahl with the anxiety attacks, hehe. Anyhow, if I wasn’t shy to do a before and after picmix I would, but I wouldn’t want to give you heffers ammunition to use against me the day I become a mogul. So for now, lucky are those who will witness the transition, and luckier are those who have seen me skinny-this size-ideal size. What’s the ideal size? Oh I don’t know really, all I know is that I wanna have obliques, a young 6-pack and v’s in my legs again. How long will this take? Ideally, a day, but in reality a few months. This means I’ll have to push myself, so if you see me walking like Forrest Gump * cues Chris Brown : don’t judge me *. I’ll need support though, so if you do read this, and see me in the stweets, word of encouragement would be nice, YA KNOW!

So to all my fellow wobblies/jigglies/potbellies/love-handles/and hanging arms, there is a solution, RUN FATTY RUN! To the bathroom, kitchen sink, the car, whilst typing, during lunch, STAY RUNNING!SHIT, I’ve gotta dumb-bell in one hand as I type this, the aim this time is to sweat!

hlasela amafutha dahlie!

BLOGGING

 

So this is long overdue, I’m surprised I even know the link to my own blog, I’m so bad.

The thing is, there was a time when words kept me enslaved, writing around the clock, then there was the DROUGHT, and boy has it been rough.

Even now, I’m writing with the few drops I found stored in my hump and hoping it’s enough.

You see, a very smart friend of mine has found her way to this abyss, and seems to be having a whale of a good time, so much so, that another mutual friend enquired about this here, fossil, and I am ashamed to even admit it exists.

I always said writing, in fact any talent, shouldn’t be a chore, when it becomes that then you’re no longer enjoying it, and I’m a firm believer of not doing things I no longer enjoy.

I love words, and they do me, but from time to time, we become estranged, until somebody decides to rekindle the affair, hoping that the love is still there, burning and bright, like a diamond in Transkei.

So it’s 2013, a new season and reason to rhyme even if it’s fiction, and hope nobody picks up that you’re really waffling.

So much has happened since the last time I was here, so perhaps the right thing to do, would be to discuss what it is that took me away, and maybe reflect on what 2012 was, as it undoubtedly earned itself the title of being one of the best years of my life, to date.

You may say I’m young, but you see stranger, this person has lived, and every once in a while stumbles upon a great 12 months of life, where everything and anything happens, and that year then ends up in the hall of fame.

Out of these great years, I always find amazing friends, who understand, love and accept me for the incredibly crazy, hot mess I am and we then proceed to build a family bond, and create lifetime memories, this started off in my final and best year in Joburg, and it happened again last year.

Anyhow highlights of 2012, which I may go into more detail about, IF the great force arises again. (Goose, question me into writing again.)

Sooooo, 2012 :

January :

I quit my 1^st job, which taxed me, challenged me and taught me most of what I know today, for which I will always be grateful for. Leaving the company in tears and bitter was never the plan though, but life is unpredictable blah, blah, glad I got over that and managed to save the good relationship I had with the team.

February :

I was proud of myself for leaving the job, but scared senseless of the ‘unknown’. Which I think is what led to the joy that the year became, and met one of my closest friends to date whom I now treasure as a sistah, The Opium Shessiah * cues BASH song for you, Nomachina *, and in this same month gave birth to the amazing group of friends I made in Cape Town, called the Pantsulers. To meet and get along with such different, dynamic, smart, open-minded and FUNNY girls like these, is but a pleasure, each and every time I’m with either/all of them.

March :

I had a crush, which I loathe. I find crushes to be so exhausting yet fun, but still exhausting. The wear and tear comes from the mind games I start, and then get lost then tired in, and want to quickly erase as fast as I started them, making crushes nothing more than a mental workout for me.

So BOO to crushes!

Oh, 1^st month of unemployment and FAITHployment, THE NERVES that were me(coloured, TAHNI accent).

 

April :

Friendships grew, along with hearts and fights and all things emotional, which led to a lot of confusion on my part, but life was still fun, AND I got a job, so YAY to going out on a limb, and knocking until the door opens!

May :

I explored, what it is that I liked, I made it known what I wanted, and won in some cases, and only slightly failed in one, which weirdly was the biggest goal, but alas, all in good time.

This month, started the storyboard of a funny film, called “ That Awkward Moment” which is yet to be filmed, but still conjures many a chuckle amongst the creative team.

June:

I was now in Joburg, and finding my way in my job and everything else. My best friend and I became closer, and renewed our bond, leaving each other knowing distance and time were but an illusion for us.

People came and went, along with their energies, and lead to the realisation that I am a sponge and feed off whatever aura that people bring. That said, negative energy, otherwise known as bitching, complaining, “always a victim”, are not allowed into my bubble. NO SIR! Here, we have AA meetings for the continuously happy and optimistic people. The kinda party the others are looking for will be found on Corner GET-THE-HELL-AWAY-FROM-ME-WITH-YOUR-HEAVINESS Road and AINT-NOBODY-GOT-TIME-FOR-THAT Lane, press the buzzer and the butler will greet you with a blanket of self-pity and show you to the Wallow Room. No need to send post-cards now, imagination is better.

July :

I moved back to Cape Town, and found my strength again. In life, we know what we possess, but somewhere along the way, we hide our light, until somehow you rekindle it.

This is what I did, and on my marks I was and haven’t stopped running since.

This was my mom’s birthday month, and I brought her up to CTN for a fully-sponsored(by me) birthday weekend. Something I had always dreamed of and doing it for her, made me feel like I was walking on sunshine. Needless to say, this sparked a vow that each year, regardless of where I am in life, I will do something great(on her birthday) for the one person who’s made sure every waking day I have, that I have a purpose, dreams, structure and direction.

To be a parent is to sacrifice your life as you know it, and this lady is its personification.

August :

Hmmmm, months are becoming blurry now… oh wait, a friend moved to Cape Town, and stayed with me, which led to a voice note, called “High Friday Girls”, yes that’s the company I keep, I plead guilty to this association.

Oh, I also bought a scooter, and high-fived myself on a good investment-up until my mum and everybody else who’s scared of two-wheels, told me I’d die- and loved having it.

September :

My scooter threw me to the ground, and left me with an elbow that’s yet to fully heal *sigh*.

So maybe mama and her peanut gallery, might, uhm, know  better?

October-December :

I’ve joined these as they all became one month to me, the sun was back and fun was to be had.

I lost a childhood friend, not through death, that would at least been final, but through being unfriended-yes, facebook has taken over our lives, especially our speech.

I for one, don’t let go of friends or people, and know that as we found our way to each other, so we will again, for now, I guess, things must be the way they are.

Two friends came back into my life, which made me stand by the belief of, those who you call friends will stay with you, if they were meant to be in your life, whenever and for however long they must.

A boring year you say?

Well if twas a Mills and Boons/Cathy and Mark story you were looking for, this is what I have to say :

“the subscriber you have dialled, does not exist”, for this is real life my friend, and what you and I find enthralling may and doesn’t have to be the same…

So what did I learn from last year and all that happened?

LIFE GOES ON, in exactly the way you may or may not want it to. It’s your party YO, so you either dance like MC Hammer or you hibernate until rabbits hatch out of easter eggs.

I for one, choose to MAKE THE CIRCLE BIGGER!

TO 2013, YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISH!

The itch

Salutations to whoever may fall upon this post...

My hand itched to write & Ive re-written this post about 5 times : rust has become me.

So what I’ll do, seeing as I want to post something is to share an extract from an old poetry book of mine, when I breathed words.

I miss that old me, and pay homage to that “me” through this ( and promise to try revive that spirit in me once again ), hope you enjoy it :

Trapped’s the new in :

The new in I hear,

The latest trend everybody seems to have caught onto.

It’s become the epitome of suburbia who’ve become materially-claustrophobic.

It’s succumbed to being the adolescent’s idol, who’ve found solace in suicide.

It’s become the scapegoat for the creatively-challenged maniacs.

It’s befriended straightjackets and has found companionship with muzzles.

Oh, it’s reigned tyranny at every successful coup.

It’s become a sanctuary for the silent,

and is viewed as a fiend by the free.

This thing called LIFE.

If somebody had told me how BORING growing up is, I'd have suckled on my childhood for as long as possible.
I swear the next time I hear a kid say " when I grow up " in that silly matter-of-fact sing-song voice I will DROP-KICK, CHOKE-SLAM & STIFF-ARM A BRAT!
For I envy the joy & carefree spirit they're still entitled to, which as you grow up you spend more energy trying to achieve & preserve & yet for most it's like a ghost which many claim to have seen, and yet very few know.

I've found the major root of my misery at most times, and it's been in my pocket all this time.
Yessir, it's that mint in your hand or that scrumpled note deep down in your jeans after a good-night out.
Oh yes, the Big-Five!
You see when I have it, Im invincible, but the minute it borders on extinction, survival mode kicks in & happy pills are on-call.

Now I don't want no self-righteous, meditating fart telling me money isn't everything.
Your ass is all pretzel-shaped & afloat somewhere after having had your had in a nice big cookie-jar!
So up until I can sit calmly with my pelvis next to my mouth, chanting God-knows-what I'll keep having it as my focal point.

Just like a kid needs to fall & crack a scalp to know that even Superman can't fly ( unless levitating due to other powers-that-be ).
I also wanna do IT!

So seeing as the 1st step to anything is having a plan, here's a draft of mine :

A BUDGET.

Yup that good old system of monitoring your cash-flow to see how close you are to the red robot, and quickly finding ways to avoid it.

In the coming month, I'd like to be as disciplined as the nuns are around the Father of the house, and see what virtues I'll gain close to the next month-end.

Just like when as a kid, you'd be tortured by the family GP for 10 seconds with his needle deeply nestled in your lil buttocks & as you screamed for the neighbourhood to hear...
He'd miraculously whip out a lollipop & a smile which wiped the slate clean & you hobbled out of there all smiles.

So you see folks for you to gain, you need pain.
Yep black gals know only too well what this stupid line means!
 As you sit having your scalp terrorised by some unfriendly wench, only to leave there as Lil Miss Muffet, waiting on all the Georgies to donate their hearts to you.

So sure, I can't eat out as much as I would like, can't turn Long Street short as often as I enjoy...
But what I can do is gemme wheels 2 or 4, dependant on the sense of urgency I feel & last and certainly NOT least : I can smile more, as I'll be minus the anxiety I so often experience each time I play peek-a-boo with the ATM.

So let's give it a try shall we & see how much self-discipline this young thang has.

Pray for me brethren, as I'll need all the strength I can get.

-_-

Mandi's Monday

Hello luffs,

A few birdies have been chirping me about my lack of blogging...
I dint realise people ACTUALLY enjoy these brain-farts!
So with a lil bit more self-esteem from here on, I promise to give all you sweerharts something to read 1ce a week.

Today, I did something I've been promising to do.
I won't say what until it's been like 3mths, where I can feel proud of myself & standing ovations will be due.

Every so often I hit a slump, where I'm Humpty Dumpty stuck in Timothy Traddle's toenail & all is bleak.
But the minute I manage to snap out of it, I'm like Michael Jackson, walking through Boys' Town!

So this marks me being happy again.

I promise to enjoy my week, I owe it to myself.

Wishin you all the same & more.

Animo et Fide

Mayne am I loved

As I’ve always said, I’m a christian by birth, i was baptised and raised in in the way of Jesus Christ, whom I always call to whenever life gets bleak, as it tends to every so often , when you least want it to.

So, keeping with  the theme of it being a Sunday & everyone subscribing to FaithBook lemme have my 20 seconds of fire & THANK God for the love I experience EACH DAY!

I’ll start of with my family :

I’ve been blessed to be born into a smart, HARD-WORKING family where NEVER-SAY-DIE is our morning chant, where life & all it’s haters will hit you with their pungency & YET you’re still able to wake up & sing “khoombaya” with tears welling up in your eyes, because you know omission of joy welcomes mild depression like the squattter camps outside Hout Bay, which leads to a lifestyle depreciation : ETERNALLY! 

Now I dunno who appreciated the ADORABLE NooNas as my image, but that is my my family’s new release, called Libonge, which means Appreciate, who apparently looks like me, whom I love dearly because his mum, as my sister has devoted herself to the worst younger sister life can burden you with.

For you see friends I’m not a bed of roses, yet I’m blessed with people who accept me as I am & my siblings are no exception.

I cannot count the number of times I have emotionally blackmailed finances out of them , based on their understanding of me & how their love of me never wavers.

My youngest sister says I’m a bully : rightfully so, as I’m not her friend, we’re in each others life to torment the other ( so I believe ), but let you be the scapegoat that so much as pops her bunion : your ancestors will be suffocate you for me!

For you see brethren, when it comes to those I was born & raised with, you come a dismal 3rd & I will defend to kill, if need be.

You see, some high philosopher says you’re born alone, but my mum has taught me you enter alone, but you’re made by those who went through it with you!

That said eternity doesn’t stretch far enough for how I feel about my family, for I’ve learned, friends are the family you choose & they are the ones you embrace until you find ground-level.

That said,to my family I promise to love your off-spring like they were mine for the care you’ve shown to your diliquent sibling!

Now before I cry a river , I do feel there’s another  group who deserve my patty ( read older posts ).

I’ll end-off with my extended family & friends :

Now I grew up with boys.

It’s VERY uneasy to not cry when your female 5-year old HORmones tell you to, but because you’re in a minority you save  face, even though you literally ate dust in a game of contact rugby, because all your dolls were euthanised as you’re stuck with your ageing granny & telling on, would only result in you missing a next meal as vengeance from the majority. ( having a mouth doesn’t always guarantee justice )

Boys well done you taught a spoilt-brat how it is to be stranded & survive : I fear nobody as I learnt through yall pain is just a mindset & as my crazy cousin would say : pain is for the weak & tears for losers. The boot-camp manual was actually created by yall.
I sincerely THANK YOU.

To my friends :

You have come to embrace an emotional, goal-oriented friend who wants plans implemented & running by 30, which means you’re often left looking in my shadow, for your friend.

You see love, the day you find your passion all else falls back & many a time to 1’s detriment.

Understand 1-thing : the love & affection’s still the same, but priorities changed drastically.
I may not physically be there, but you matter.

I love you, regardless.

Life blesses you with stages, where you choose where & what you want out of all situations, that stated ponder this : 

LOVE ONLY THOSE WHO MATTER.